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Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Arabian Sexology !!


 
 
For more fun stuff - check the Blog Archive




Indian Jews !!


Two Jewish tourists, "Sid" and "Al", were traveling through India.
Sitting in a Bombay restaurant, Sid asked Al "Are there any people of
our faith born and raised in India?"


Al replied, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter."


When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Indian Jews?"
and the waiter said, "I don't know Sir, I'll ask the cooks."


He returned from the kitchen in a few minutes and said "No sir, no Indian Jews."


Al wasn't really satisfied with that and asked, "Are you absolutely
sure?"


The waiter, realizing he was dealing with foreign tourists gave the
expected answer, "I will check again, Sir!" and went back into the
kitchen.


While the waiter was away, Sid said, "I find it hard to believe that
there are no Jews in India. Our people are scattered everywhere in
the world."


The waiter returned and said, "Sir, the head cook said there is no Indian Jews."


"Are you certain?" Al asked once again, "I can't believe there are no
Indian Jews!"


"Sir, I ask EVERYONE," replied the exasperated waiter. "All we have is
Orange Jews, Mango Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews."


Tuesday, October 27, 2009

How things were Invented


 

 
 


The man discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT,
The woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.
The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,
The woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.
The man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD,
The woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.
The man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE,
The woman discovered LOVE and invented LOVE TRIANGLES.
The man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY,
The woman discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.
Thereafter man has discovered and invented a lot of things...
but the women are BUSY shopping.................

Friday, October 23, 2009

More to the collection !








































______________________________________________

While making love, he says:
- Darling, let's do 68!
- 68??? What's that?
- You do it to me and I'll owe you one. 

______________________________________


 A wife catches her husband masturbating under the shower and approaches him. The husband:
- Oh dear, it was so dirty that I had to rub it so hard... it almost hurts! 

 ______________________________________


Pinocchio talks to Gepetto:
- Daddy my dick is all jagged and crooked so I have no success with girls.
- You know, my son, I didn’t care too much about that detail, but that should not be a problem. Go to the shop, take a sandpaper and fix it.
After some time, Gepetto asks Pinocchio:
- Well, did you resolve the problem with the girls?
- Daddy, since I got the sandpaper who needs the girls anymore. 

_______________________________________

A bachelor has no belly because when he opens a fridge he says:
- "Fuck it, the same again!" and then goes to the bed.
Married man has belly because when he comes to the bed he says:
- "Fuck it, the same again!" and then goes and opens the fridge.
 




Tuesday, October 20, 2009

LOL's !!!


Ladies hostel caught Fire. It took 1 hour to bring the fire under control and another 3 hours to bring the firemen under control. 
-------------------------------------------

Wife: If I sleep with your best friend what will be the first thought to come in your mind?
Husband: that you are a lesbian.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in the U.S ???
Because the people started licking the wrong side!

--------------------------------------------------------
Nobody is ever satisfied, Poor men wish they were rich, Rich men wish they were handsome, Bachelors wish they were married & Married men wish they were Dead!

----------------------------------------------------------

Lady : "I want a good vibrator" Salesman: "Ma'am ! you may select one from our range that is displayed on that wall"
Lady : "O.K. I'll take that red one"
Salesman: "Sorry, that's our fire-extinguisher";

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

A divorced Couple were contesting for possession of the child. The mother said: "I gave birth to him - he's mine" The father said: "I put a coin in the pepsi machine and a can comes out - the pepsi belongs to me! not to the machine !!" 


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A girl says to her boyfriend, "One kiss and I'll be yours forever."
The guy says 'thanks for the warning'

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Husband Was Asked: "Do you talk to your wife after sex?" He replied:
"Depends, If I Can find a Phone"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Definition of a Gynecologist: Someone who looks for problems where others look for pleasure!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Man to wife on wedding night- "Are you sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with?'
"Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!'

 
 

Monday, October 19, 2009

Single vs. Engaged vs. Married




Sipping her drink, the single girl leered towards her friends and said, "Last Friday, at the end of the work day, I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat.  When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels.  He was so aroused that we made passionate love on his desk right then and there!"


The engaged woman giggled and said, "That's pretty much my story!  When my fiancĂ© got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps.  He was so turned on that we not only had sex all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!"

The married woman put her glass down and said, "I did a lot of planning.  I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's.  I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume.  I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos.  I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?" 

Friday, October 16, 2009

Sardarni, Sardaji - what the heck, they are all Indian !!

A sardarni in New York went to a worldwide message centre to send a message to her mother in India.

When the guy there told her it would cost $100, she exclaimed, "I don't have that kind of money! But I would do anything to get a message to my mother in Punjab-India!"

The man arched an eyebrow and asked: "Anything?"

"Yes, anything!" promises the sardarni.

With that, the man said, "Follow me" & walked into the next room and ordered, "Come in and close the door."

She did. He then said, "Get down on your knees." She did just that.....

Then he said, "Unzip me." She did.

He said, "Go ahead........ take it out." She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well....... go ahead damn it!"

The Sardarni slowly brought her lips closer, and screamed loudly, "Hello.......... Mummyjee!" 



 
 

Rabbi and the Tax Collector


At the end of the tax year the Tax office sent an inspector to audit the books of the synagogue. While he was checking the books, he turned to the rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with all the candle drippings?"

"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."

"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But, on he went in his obnoxious way.

"What about all those matzo purchases? What do you do with all the crumbs?"
"Ah, yes," replied the rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying  to trap him with unanswerable questions.

"We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers and every so often they send us a free box of matzo balls."   "I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could  fluster the know-it-all Rabbi.

"Well Rabbi," he went on,"what do you do with all the leftover foreskins  from the circumcisions you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save  up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a  year they send us a complete dick."


Tuesday, October 13, 2009

All about having a shower !


How To Shower Like a Woman :
--------------------------------------------
  • Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
  • Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
  • Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
  • Get in the shower.
  • Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. 
  • Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. 
  • Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. 
  • Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
  • Rinse conditioner off hair.
  • Shave armpits and legs.
  • Turn off shower.
  • Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
  • Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.
  • Get out of shower.
  • Dry with towel the size of a small country.
  • Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
  • Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
 
How To Shower Like a Man :
--------------------------------------
 
  • Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
  • Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
  • Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
  • Get in the shower.
  • Wash your face.
  • Wash your armpits.
  • Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
  • Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. 
  • Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. 
  • Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap
  • Wash your hair.
  • Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
  • Wee.
  • Rinse off and get out of shower.
  • Partially dry off.
  • Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.
  • Admire willy size in mirror again.
  • Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor,light and fan on. 
  • Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. 
  • Throw wet towel on bed.
 

What's in the Menu ?


A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down.

The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and
hands him a menu.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring
me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from
there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and
picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.

"Ah, yes, that's what I'll have -- meatloaf and mashed potatoes."

Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife. He tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly
brings him a menu again.

"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."

"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."

The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.

After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great. I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."

Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.

The blind man eats and leaves.

He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him
coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I
take it to the blind man."

Mary complies and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. 

"Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says, 

"Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here..."

Cheng Lee - No Fee !


A guy suspected that his wife was cheating on him, so he hired a Chinese Detective... 
The cheapest one he could find.

This is his report:……..

You leave house. I watch house. He come house. 
I watch. He and she leave house.
I follow. He and she go hotel.  
I climb tree. I look window.  
He kiss she. She kiss he. He strip she. She strip he.. 
He play with she. She play with he. 
I play with me. I fall off tree. I no see.
No fee....
Sincerely,
Cheng Lee






Sunday, October 11, 2009

Love in mental hospital



Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays that you have a sound mind.
The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.
Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry...

Friday, October 9, 2009

How Columbus got Lucky with America !



If Columbus had been married, he might never have discovered America, because he would have had to answer all the following questions and listen to such dramatic statements:





Where are you going?

With whom?

Why?

How are you going?

To discover what?

Why only you?

What do I do when you are not here?

Can I come with you?

When will you be back?

Will you be home for dinner?

What will you bring for me?

You deliberately made this plan without me, didn't you?

You seem to be making a lot of these programs lately...

Answer me why?

I want to go to my mother's house.

I want you to drop me there.

I don't want to come back ever!

What do you mean, OK?

Why aren't you stopping me?

I don't understand what this whole 'discovery' thing is about.

You always do things like this.

Last time also you did the same thing!

Nowadays you always seem to do this kind of stuff.

I still don't understand what else is left to be discovered!


Thursday, October 8, 2009

Long live Bachelors


Every man should get married some time; after all,happiness is not the only thing in life !!

--Anonymous

------------------------------ ---------------------------------------
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.

--Oscar Wilde


------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------- 

Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

--Scottish Proverb


------------------------------  ----------------------------------------
I don't worry about terrorism. I was  married for two years.

--Sam Kinison

( i loved this one )
------------------------------ ---------------------------------------
Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.
--H. L. Mencken


------------------------------ ---------------------------------------
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------- 

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of  one thing: either the car is new or the wife.


------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------- 

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always.

--Anonymous

------------------------------ ----------------------------------------
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said,"Somewhere I h! ave never been!" I told her,  "How about the kitchen?"

--Anonymous

------------------------------ ------------------------------------
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

------------------------------ -------------------------------------
 My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours.
That was only for the estimate.

--Anonymous

------------------------------ -------------------------------------
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

--Anonymous

------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------- 

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in."

--Anonymous

------------------------------ ---------------------------------------
Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married.
He says "the wedding rings look like miniature handcuffs....."

--Anonymous
------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course... at least he'll shut up after u let him in!

--Anonymous

------------------------------ ---------------------------------------
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did u have to die? Why did you have to die?"  The first man approached him and said, "Sir,

 I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain in is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so? Deeply? A child? A parent?"The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied "My wife's first husband."
(J...cant stop laughing!!!!!)
------------------------------ ----------------------------------------
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a  coin  .
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled " It really works ! "


Yellow There !!



An Italian, French and Indian went for a job interview in England.

Before the interview, they were told that they must compose a sentence in English with three main words: green, pink and yellow.

The Italian was first: "I wake up in the morning. I see the yellow sun. see the green grass and I think to myself, I hope it will be a pink day."

The French was next: " I wake up in the morning, I eat a yellow banana, a green pepper and in the evening I watch the pink panther on TV.

Last was the Indian: "I wake up in the morning, I hear the phone "green green", I "pink" up the phone and I say "Yellow"




Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Tech Support !!




Dear Tech Support Team:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.

I soon noticed that the new program, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,
"A Troubled User"


REPLY:


Dear Troubled User:


This is a very common problem that people complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 , thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!! !

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.

It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this.

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.

I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before
   the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2 . However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the
program NagNag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend
Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0


STATUTORY WARNING
: DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortS kirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support ...

Reply,

Why not force DELETE Wife 1.0 or Install girlfriends 10.0 :D


Sh*t on what ??



There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman.

They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most."

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.


The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.

After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.

The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left, "Would you care to do it again?"

He asks her "Shall we?" She eagerly replies, "Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you shit on its head."

Bat-Man or Superman ?

Airport Security: What's your Name.
 Passenger: Batman
Airport Security: Your real name please
Passenger: My name is Bat-Man
Airport Security: Are you trying to be funny? What is your family
name 

Passenger: Superman
 

Airport Security handcuffs him & puts him into a locked security room
 

Then they checked his Passport... 







By Doctors Orders !


Once upon a time, a woman complained to her doctor that she and her
husband never had sex anymore. So the doctor gave her a bottle of
pills and told her to put them in his drink and she would be
'satisfied.'


The woman, somewhat disbelievingly, put one pill in his coffee that
evening. That night they made out.


The next morning, she put two in his coffee, and that night they
really got it on.


The next day, she said, "What the hell," and put the entire bottle in.


A few days later, the doctor called to check on her progress. The
woman's son answered the phone. When the doctor asked how she was
doing, the son replied, "Mom's dead; Sis is pregnant; my asshole
hurts, and Dad is out naked on the front lawn yelling 'Here kitty,
kitty.'"





Tuesday, October 6, 2009

What watching PORN teaches us



  • Women wear high heels to bed.
  • Men are never impotent.
  • When "going down" on a woman, 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
  • If a woman gets caught masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment; instead she will insist he have sex with her.
  • Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
  • Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
  • Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
  • WOMEN SCREAM AND GRAB THE MAN'S ASS CLOSER TOWARDS THEM. causing more moaning.
  • Women always orgasm when men do.
  • All women are noisy cummers; often they will announce when it is happening.
  • People in the 70's couldn't cum unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
  • Those tits are real. Period.
  • A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt. Spanking is also a turn-on.
  • Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
  • If there are two of Men present, they will "high five" each other. (and the girl won't be disgusted!)
  • Double penetration makes women smile.
  • Asian men don't exist.
  • If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't beat you to death if you shove your penis in his girlfriend's mouth.
  • There's never a plot.
  • When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite her by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
  • Nurses tend to suck patients' cocks as an exam method.
  • Men always pull out, and can hold until the money shot.
  • When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before joining both of you.
  • Women never have headaches... or periods.
  • When a woman is sucking off a man, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it", lest she forget what she is doing.
  • Anuses are perpetually clean.
  • Everyone's penis is bigger than yours.
  • Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a penis there.
  • When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.
  • A Penis joke is an appropriate lead-in to the so-called "nasty".
  • Geeks never have to beg.
  • Every girl on the planet is bi
  • When women are having their last orgasm, it's important to show a close-up of the man's face for all of it.
  • Pubic hair is just a myth.
  • sleeping is discouraged unless you're over 65
  • All Women secretly desire anal sex


    Little Johnny Jokes !



    The preschool teacher says, "We're going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"

    Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!"

    The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence?

    Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue."

    "That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white."

    Sam raises his hand and states, "Grass is definitely green."

    The teacher says, "That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too."

    Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, "Do farts have lumps in them?"

    The teacher says, "No Johnny, why do you ask that?"

    Little Johnny replies, "Well, I definitely sh*t my pants."

    __________________________________________

    The teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multisyllabic words, class. Does anyone have an example of a multisyllabic word?"

    Little Johnny waves his hand, "Me, teacher! Oh, me, me!"

    The teacher smiles and says, "Alright, Johnny, what is your multisyllabic word?"

    Little Johnny says, "Mas-tur-bate."

    The teacher is taken aback, but she manages to smile and says, "Wow, Johnny, that's a mouthful."

    Little Johnny says, "No, ma'am, you're thinking of a blow job. I'm talking about jerking off."
    _____________________________________
     

    A new teacher tries to make use of her psychology courses. The first day of class, she starts by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"

    After a few seconds, Little Johnny stands up. The teacher asks, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"

    "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself."

    __________________________________________

    Little Johnny asks his mother her age.

    She replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

    Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.

    Again his mother replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

    The boy then asks, "Why did Daddy leave you?"

    To this, the mother says, "You shouldn't ask that," and sends him to his room.

    On the way, Johnny trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out.

    Johnny runs back into the room. "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and Daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!"

    _________________________________________________

    Little Johnny runs into his house and asks, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"

    "No," says his mom, "Of course not."

    After Little Johnny runs back outside, his mom hears him yell to his friend, "It's OK, we can keep playing!" 

    ___________________________________________

     
    A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

    Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."

    Mary answers, "He's in my heart."

    Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"

    The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.

    "Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"

    ______________________________________________

    Teacher: "Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word, 'geometry.'"

    Little Johnny: "A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, 'Gee, I'm a tree.'"


    ______________________________________________




    HOW DO PAKISTANIS NAME THEIR BABY BOYS?



    If he smiles
    • Ismail
    If he has only one hair
    • Iqbal
    If he has one hair on the ear
    • Iqbal Khan
    If he has one hair on the bum
    • Ass If Iqbal
    If he shakes his dads ding dong
    • Sheik-abbu-da-lulla
    If he shakes his moms boobs
    • Sheik - Maa boob
    If he is born with an erection
    • Fuckruddin.

    Sunday, October 4, 2009

    Marriage Humour !!


    Wife:.......................What are you doing?'
    Husband..... ............Nothing.
    Wife..Nothing...?.....You've been reading our marriage   certificate for an hour.'
    Husband:................ 'I was looking for the expiration date.'








    Wife :..................... 'Do you want dinner?'
    Husband:............... 'Sure! What are my choices?'
    Wife:...................... 'Yes or no.'    


    Wife:....................
    'You always carry my photo in your wallet..  Why?'
    Hubby:
    ................. 'When there is a problem, no matter how great,
    ................................ I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'
    Wife.......................'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'
    Hubby:
    .................. 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other .
    .................................problem can there be greater than this one?'

    --------------------------------------------------------


    Stress Reliever 


    Girl:
    .................'When we get married, I want to share all your worries,
    ..........................troubles and lighten your burden.'
    Boy:................ 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
    Girl:..................Well that's because we aren't married yet.'

    ------------------------------
     

    Son:................ 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, .
    ..........................he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
    Mom:............... 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
    Son: ................But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'  


    ________________________________

    A newly married man asked his wife,
    'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'

    'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you,
    NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'

    ------------------------------------------------------------

    Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.

    The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'

    -------------------------------

    A
    wife asked her husband:
    'What do you like most in me,
    my pretty face or my sexy body?'

    He looked at her from head to toe and replied:
    'I like your sense of humor!'   


    -------------------------------

    Husbands are husbands

    A man was sitting reading his papers when
    his wife hit him round the
    Head with a frying pan.
    'What was that for?' the man asked.

    The wife replied 'That was for the piece of
    paper with the name Jenny on
    it that I found in your pants pocket'.

    The man then said 'When I was at the races
    last week Jenny was the name
    of the horse I bet on'

    The wife apologized and went on with the
    housework.

    Three days later the man is watching TV
    when his wife bashes him on the
    head with an even bigger frying pan,
    knocking him unconscious.
    Upon re-gaining consciousness the man
    asked why she had hit again.
    Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned'



     

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