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Sunday, February 7, 2010

Quickies !!!!

 

Teacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.
Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher: Why?
Student: There is no future in it.
 


 


Teacher       : Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ted              : $10.
Teacher       : You don't know maths.
Ted              : You don't know my father!
 


 


Mother        : David , come here.
David           : Yes, mum?
Mother        : You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David           : But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother        : I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.
 


 


Father      : Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son          : On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father      : So?
Son          : On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8.. If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
 


 


A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, then complete silence.. The daughter turned to look at her father.
Daughter   : It's mummy!
Father      : How do you know?
Daughter   : She didn't say anything.
 


 


Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love
 


 


Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born
 


 


Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.
 


 


Teacher     : Simon , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon        : No, teacher, it's the same dog!
 


 

Father      : Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son          : That's why I say she's no good!
 


 


Teacher: 'Where were u born?'
Student: ' Singapore , Sir.'
Teacher: 'Which part?'
Student: 'All of me, Sir.'
 


 


A teacher was asking her class: 'What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?'
Only one hand shot up.
'Ok, answer, Joan' said the teacher.
''unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is a sick eagle.'
 


 


Teacher: 'How come you do not comb your hair?'
Ah Kow: 'No comb, Sir.'
Teacher: 'Use your dad's then.'
Ah Kow: 'No hair, Sir.'

 
 


 

A boy came home from school with his exam results.
'What did u get?' asked his father.
'My marks are under water,' said the boy.
'What do u mean 'under water'?'
'They are all below 'C' (sea) level'

 

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