Monday, February 23, 2015
I was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching my wife, Vicky who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off I asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.
'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror .
On the morning of her Birthday, I arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! I put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later we staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. I then took her to a McDonald's and ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favourite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home and collapsed into bed exhausted.
I leaned over my wife & with a big smile lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
'I meant my dress size, you FUCKING idiot!!!!'
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
Friday, February 13, 2015
A group of women were at a seminar on “How to live in a loving relationship with your husband”.
The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?"
All the women raised their hands.
"When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"
Some women answered today, a few yesterday and some couldn't remember.
The women were then told to text their husband: "I love you, sweetheart."
The women were then told to exchange phones with another person, and to read aloud the text
message they received, in response.
Here are some of the replies:
1. Who the hell is this?
2. Are you sick or what?
3. Love you too. What's up with you??
4. What now? Have you crashed the car again?
5. I don't understand what you mean?
6. What the f**k did you do now?
7. You're kidding me?
8. Don't bullshit me. How much do you need.
9. Are you for real?
10. If you don't tell me who this message is really for, someone will pay!
11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.
12. Your mother’s coming to stay with us, isn't she?
Monday, February 9, 2015
NO WONDER SO MANY OLDER GUYS RECKON THEY HAVE
An old guy goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution.
When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor.
The female doctor says,"I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to.
I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, '99'.
The old guy obeys and says, "99".
The doctor says, "Great", now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, '99".
Again, the old guy says, ''99'."
The doctor said, “Very good”. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly.
I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way.
Now take a deep breath and say, '99'.
Now take a deep breath and say, '99'.
The old guy begins,
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